Sticks are great. There are sticks you can steady a camera with, sticks to eat food with, even sticks that glow! However, we want to know which stick is objectively the best stick. If you could only have one stick for the rest of your life, which stick would it be?

No stick needs to be ruled out. All sticks can apply. This is the Battle Royale of sticks. Like, imagine a bunch of Japanese school children beating each other senseless with various kinds of sticks. Then remove the Japanese school children. You don’t have to base the worthiness of a stick solely on its bludgeoning ability, but it probably can’t hurt, either.


Let’s hear your vote in the discussions below! Voting is serious. This is a democracy, people. We’re not savages beating each other with sticks. We’re civilized people arguing about sticks. So follow these guidelines:

  1. Follow this format for your vote, including the bold print. If you don’t, it won’t be counted. And you will also be beaten with your stick:
  3. Vote: [BEST STICK]
  4. Why: Explain why this stick is best stick. Is it super long and pointy? Does it have a million and one uses? Was it your best friend, through thick and thin? Does it grant kingship to whoever pulls it out of something? Has it ever been the subject of a hard-hitting documentary? Does it promise to love and to honor you, in sickness and in health, til death do you part? Make your case!
  5. Don’t duplicate nominations! No one needs two of a certain kind of stick. That’s just silly.Please don’t leave non-entry, direct comments on this post. My comments section don’t want none unless you got sticks, hun.

If you’re not sure what we mean by stick, kindly report to the nearest Kindergarten. We’ll give you a few examples, so you don’t accidentally format your stick wrong and look foolish.

This is not an officially sanction Hive Five, is not associated with Lifehacker in any way, and I will probably be fired for this. Once I rise from the ashes, you can learn more about which sticks are best here.


Photo by rbennett661.

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